Our Nutty Train adventures have taken us far and wide over the last few years. Our first adventures took place on school trips, before we later decided to journey together to places by train. The real nutty trips only started in December 2018, but have since become massive parts of our lives. Even though we now lead busy lives in university, we are busy planning new adventures! Keep checking back for more nuttiness!
This website began life as a side project on James's personal website, and originally consisted just of the stations we visited. A few months later, they forked the page onto a new website, and nuttytrains.net was born (we purchased the domain name back in ϡ6). Over Autumn 2019, we have assembled the website, and have immortalised our accounts of our NT adventures. May there be many more!
When he was 10, Matthew and his dad went to see the Olympics in London, which involved Matthew's 1st ever train journey (at 4am) and a traumatising encounter with the rush-hour tube!
Our school trip to Bath. This was James's first time on a train, meanwhile Matthew visited the Roman Baths
Our school trip to London. We went to the British Museum, saw Paddington and encountered the Tube
Bored of staying in school one day, Matthew decided to head home on the train... without a phone or keys
What happens when James suddenly discovers an ancient video buried deep in their social media, 5 years after it happened? Let's find out: all aboard the birthday train!
Haven't done anything all summer? Why not catch the train at 2:30am? What could go wrong?
For months throughout Yr12, James caught the train to Exeter for Step sessions.
Despite never having been there before, or having been so far on the train alone, Matthew went to Llanelli
James successfully gained an interview with Big Blue. This meant they now had to successfully navigate London and Cambridge...
Our return trip to Bath. We returned to Bath on a whim, seeing the city centre, the university, and getting caught in the rain
Our trip to Tenby. Deciding to venture deep into PacerlandTM, we saw the sea, ate fish and chips, and saw real trains!
Our walk to Oystermouth Castle. Whilst technically not a train journey, we had plenty of nuttiness on our trek along Swansea Bay
Matthew headed to the Bristol open day. Matthew sprinted and wedged himself in a train door
Matthew and Ewan headed to the fabled station of Nantgarw, which should have been easy, if they'd gone the right way
Matthew and Ewan braved a rail replacement bus on the way to Bath, and Matthew split scalding tea over himself
Our 1st trip to the Valleys. We took a nutty trip to Treherbert, Tesco Merthyr Tydfil, Nantgarw and Pizza Express in Cardiff Bay
Our 2nd trip to the Valleys. We took a brief, but nutty trip uppa Rhymney Valley, before sampling Nandos in Cardiff
Our picturesque trip up the HoW line. A huge 4 hour train trip via all the picturesque rural village stations, before stopping at Shrewsbury and Hereford
Our 3rd trip to the Valleys. We ticked off Asda Maesteg and Barry Island (in gale-force winds), went to Ikea, before doing Aberdare and Pacer races on the City Line
Our fake (11th) trip to "Cheltenham". We discovered the Ebbw Vale effect in the eponymous town, before visiting "Cheltenham",
which is completely fake. Epstein didn't kill himself
Our trip to West Wales. Once again we journeyed into PacerlandTM, hitting all 3 branches, Pembroke Dock, Milford Haven and Fishguard.
Matthew went exploring in London, visiting a Japanese tearoom and riding on the DLR
Matthew headed up to Chesham on the Met, making multiple changes and seeing many ducks
Matthew went on a whirlwind sightseeing tour on the Night Tube
James tackled the most audacious challenge yet: navigating rural Cornwall on a Sunday bus service!
Having discovered that the world doesn't end at Bristol, James ventured North into Terra Incognita for MathsJam
Our 1st NT London trip. Making stops at Ealing, North Acton and Imperial, we were hurled into an 8 hour epic journey of complete insanity, finally heading home at 1:30am!
Our multi-day marathon across London: At the end of January, James will return to London for an entire weekend, rather than just one night, meaning we get 3 days of nuttiness!
The dreaded rail replacement bus week - how inefficiently could James possibly journey to Truro?
Having initially been so successful on the train, Matthew was then denied access to R Studio. Cue manic, insane sprinting
Back to basics in the lockdown - wandering through Neath for miles in the rain, and eating too much ice cream
Get ready for a mask-wearing, socially-distanced foray to Cardiff, with video filming in IKEA thrown in! (Essential workers only, this is a pandemic, of course)
Getting tipsy in a pub next to a castle in the pouring rain? This seems like perfectly normal behaviour!
Being abandoned in a tiny rural village with only 2 trains a day, no sense of direction, a quest to find white woolly deer, a bunch of Karens and some illegal heat? What a perfect idea!
The train at platform Dai is the 1023 serive to god knows where. It has been sitting here for god knows how long and it is god knows how late, calling at Llanshitole, Castellcrap and Timbuk-fucking-to. Please social distance and stay the fuck away from each other. Karen! MASK! ON!
James allegedly went to Burry Port, Ferryside and Pembrey to film a documentary about Amelia Earhart, but in actuality, they spent their day being gawked at by girls and trying to convince old codgers that they weren't filming porn.
It's Trago time! Join us on a quest through the shittest bits of Merthyr Tydfil to the holy grail of discount shops - Trago! Featuring Tesco Station, TfW's antisymmetric new HQ and Plan E. 0/10 would not recommend.
STEEEEEAM TRAAAAAIN! We finally did it - we went to Lydney and caught the Dean Forest Railway, and caught a steam train up the line! It was amazing!
Sometimes, Matthew feels like his life is a broken record. Despite vowing to never catch the last train out and get the night bus home again, this is exactly what he did, except this time was even worse!
Tonight on Nutty Trains, James nearly gets shanked in Brixton, Matthew abandons James in Moorgate, and we both attempt the DLR Challenge... whilst still jumping on and off at every station!
Didn't get on a single train here, but ticked off as many ¬stations as we do stations on some adventures. Walked for 25.4 miles, over the course of 11 hours. Why? Just why?
On this edition of Springwatch, we check in on James's friend, Meal Deal the dead pigeon, we spy on various birds minding their own business in a park, TweetyBoi pesters us and malfunctions all day, and we take a close look at Matthew's Seagull Trap (patent pending) that is taking Camborne by storm!
A trip to London 1 week before exams purely because James scammed some arts student? What a great idea! Cue a Chinatown extravaganza and multiple failed attempts to reach the edge of West London, all whilst the tube falls apart around us!
After many months of waiting, it was finally time for a hash! Getting on a packed train, meeting up with a load of old codgers and cramming into a busy pub, all on the first day of lockdown reopening? Possibility of getting chocked: 0
Determined to finally reach the edge of London after it had eluded him on Koppa 4, Matthew set out to do exactly that: a journey to the edge... on foot.
And the MathSoc award for nuttiest lunatics goes to: James and Matthew! Congratulations! You embraced your creative sides, with fancy film equipment and off-colour Monty Python rip-offs, met Acton's finest crackheads, played Art Student BingoTM, and sprinted through the shittiest bits of the Docklands! Well Done‽
This isn't tourism, it is masochism. Sweet, sweet sadomasochism. Now that James has decided to live in the Bad Place, it was time for a painful adventure around the Oxford triangle!
Here's an idea - why don't we go halfway across the country on shitty stopping services with angry conductors and attempt to be abandoned? Oh and let's start in the middle of the evening!
The tube was kill, the Overloo was kill, our plans were kill and Matthew and James were kill after hauling James's stuff across London, so we tried out the old codger lifestyle, and life was good.
Hey, hey, Mister James, how many pints can you sink today? Is it 10? Is it 12? All we know is "throw the Jew down the well!"
Who ever heard of dividing the country up neatly into adventure classes? Let's have a Xi adventure starting in London this time! Will James be hungover? Will Matthew have a mental breakdown? Will Thameslink commit the not alive? Find out in Xi 3!
It was time for Matthew to face all his fears, because Cambridge hadn't been enough. We were going on an RRB *shudders*. We were going on a tram *fear*. We were going to Croydon *faints*. NT was going saaaaaaf. #IKEAmeansIKEA
Oh no. It was time to throw ourselves straight into the jaws of danger and permanently damage our hearing: it was Brummy time! Along the way, we went on a little tiny train and saw CAT. MAO!
Can Matthew and James pull multiple 12 hour+ tube challenge simulations in succession? Can Matthew find his way across London after being blindfolded and abandoned in a field in Enfield with no phone or map? Can James finally get Matthew to order some cider? Yes. Yes we can.
It's back to the future: Uppa valleys yet again, to finish what we started 2 years ago, featuring a very special guest! We break into a sixth form college, run down a river screaming, and get abandoned for 2 hours in the dark whilst drinking 100 coffees!
Good Morming! Its the eighteenth of september and today is DiGamma 2, we shall be calling at Severn Beach, @PilningStation and probably a Rail Replscement Bus! Well RIP we have made a mitake.
Matthew descends on Battersea Power Station Station Station to meet the Imperial RailSoc, and ride the first ever train down the Northern Line extension at 05:28 in the morning, and meets Geoff along the way, as well as bumping into Hugo, Jago, TubeMapper, LU News and many many more! James was very jealous.
Here's an idea. Commuting from half way across the country to Uni. IT'S STREATHAM TIME!
In one corner, we have Matthew and James, famed for throwing themselves off cliffs, sprinting themselves to death, and drinking lethal quantities of caffeine! In the other, we have Network Rail, who have fucked every single train in Western England for 1 day only! Who will win in the battle for the grand prize of least-used stations: Pilning!
James goes full anorak and stands in the mizzle, looking for Jezza, and feasting on a Meal Deal
Matthew and James went on a 'little' adventure, which ended up lasting 2 days and allowed us to tick off most things from the NT wishlist. The cameras never went away, so watch out 2026 - this video will surprise you!
James heads to the opening of the Dartmoor line to Okehampton and has a great day out with the old codgers and the anoraks! They may not have met Geoff, but get ready for some Geoff-level videography in our best video ever!
Matthew leaves London to go with RailSoc for a tour of the Chiltern Depot and train simulator
This Christmas, join us as we finally head down South West to Exeter in NTCI 1: Bowis strikes back! The first adventure where James is truly in charge - how bad can it be?
Coming soon to an omicron cluster near you; the big 1-0, it is Koppa X time! Catch it soon in 2022! (The adventure, not the chock)
Epstein didn't kill himself, but NT did. 100 stations, woo!
Next train staaping Camborrrne is NTCI 2, me loverr! We'll be 'eaded to Plymouth, 'Zance, St Ives, Newquay, Penryn, Falmouth and Camborne! Let's show this shity boi 'ow we do things down Kernow! Don' ew forrget, trains don't staap Camborne Wednesdays!
It's time for #PurpleTrain! We went to all* the stations and filmed for our large and devoted army of viewers. Sweet sweet views!
A bottle of wine on the Elizabeth line - it was Henley time. Tune in for our countryside adventure to the bucolic rural towns of Henley, Heathrow and Marlow, where we get pissed, run through a field of wheat with Terry May, and meet the Queen.
NT meets the Queen again! Let's see how many lines are closed or melted on this unlucky adventure! ... Well this turned out nothing like expected. We failed all the original objectives, and ended up on the wrong side of London entirely. All in a day's work.
Join us as we relive some of our greatest hits - Birmingham, Shrewsbury, Markey, Oxford, and oh God no, crippling depression
Ewan-less, Matthew and James headed to Brizzle, Bath and Weymouth for a borked seaside adventure. The trains may have conspired against us all day, but nothing was getting between James, their curry, and the South Coast.
James and Matthew head east to find the grimmest places in the entirety of London. You like industrial estates, council flats and concrete? You've come to the right place!
Quite frankly, we were too dead today to do anything insane - so we didn't. We had a jolly up to Henley, down to IKEA, tried to avoid the Great Western Mainline dying, and fully embraced being old codgers.
#IKEAreallymeansIKEA - We continue our quest to visit every IKEA in London, ticking off an unprecedented 2 IKEAs in 1 day, before mopping up our final stations in West London - returning to the roots of Koppa!
James and Matthew revisit Koppa 1, visit Bond St, take a through train on the 1st day of Crossrail Phase 2, and get bored of the big city. Sigh
James gets told that there is no possibility of leaving Oxford... what a great day for an adventure! Things are so grim, that Matthew is enticed out from under his rock for a trip out of the smoke!
Matthew, infected with the proletariat of the prokaryote kingdom (known for legal reasons as 'Death') was dragged off on HS1 by James, off to Dover! But it wasn't just Matthew who died - what will happen to the railways when temperatures fall below zero??
GUINNESSS
The park was green and we did some Reading
Going saaahffff to da coast
Bonjour Remi, mon ami.
Come watch somebody die, us have a cup of tea and drink a fuck tonne of wine. THERE ARE NO FUNCTIONING TRAINS IN THIS ADVENTURE.
This CANNOT be - Matthew and James back in Wales??? Join us for a tiny adventure as we cross the secret line bypassing Swansea and Neath that we first planned 4 years ago!
Nous voulons tout le vin avec un meal deal et un Remi!
Matthew heads to London to meet Jago Hazzard in Huxley
No way - a Koppa? Join us in Oxford for only our third regular UK adventure since 2022! Matthew cries tears of joy - he misses the smoke. James' lungs cry tears of pain
Here's an idea - why don't we try to connect together the disparate chunks of Xi? Ah, there are no connecting train lines. Double ah, there are no functioning trains...
Koppa comes of age, and to celebrate, we will be spending time on random nonsensical lines in Zone 6 and beyond. This is unironically better than Matthew's 18th...
After Matthew almost died last time, let's go easy, get some Sunday lunch, and head out into the countryside... what could go wrong?
Nutty Trains goes on a border-crossing extravaganza, via the Christmas markets of Milan, Bern, Stuttgart and Strasbourg. Expect copious quantities of vin, glühwein and vino. Let's hope that all that Duolingo practice will be enough...
RED ALERT; RED ALERT - James has come to the North! This most probably represents the end of the world, the freezing-over of hell, and the perfect time to buy gold (coming soon to the NT Redbubble), but in the meantime, let's see what fun northern activities and delicacies Matthew can introduce James to!
James returns to the North. Having fooled James into coming back, Matthew decides to show James the true side of the North... but James has a few ideas of their own...
James returns to the North again! What shenanigans will we get up to this time??
Nous ne pouvons pas arrêter acheter Passes Interrail - le Royaume-Uni est trop misérable! Matthew a forcé James à visiter la ville, et James a forcé Matthew à visiter la campagne. Nous avons fait à velo et goûté beaucoup de vin! Grand succès!