Ever since firing up our NT Twitter account on Xmas Eve 2019, twitter bots have formed the core of the account, to the point that most people believe the account to be a
bot account. From only a few hours in, bots formed the majority of our tweets, and our original 2 bots kept the account going strong from 2019 all the way into the start of
the pandemic in March. However, thanks to Covid/Chock, after Koppa 2, Nutty Trains was forced to become Nutty ¬Trains for many months, and was forced again to become Nutty
¬Trains again for many months after Koppa 3. So like everyone else, we had to shift our stuff online. Except, because this is NT, we did this in a... unique way. Our 2 bots
were joined by a 3rd towards the end of the 1st lockdown, to everyone's great amusement. But as our R0 adventures went ahead, the bots went silent after an attempted hacking
attempt. It was only in the run up to Koppa 3, when James introduced Matthew to twit, Heroku and the cmd that the bot revolution really began... and quickly got completely
out of hand! We egged each other on, with increasingly awful bots of all shapes and increasing size, all in the pursuit of divine nuttiness. 3 bots became n, as I have now
lost count, old bots were revamped to become even worse than before, and titans such as DrFosterII, TrumpBot, SongBot, the UwUs and NuttyFake were born. This page will
be dedicated to these bastions of nuttiness as they evolve over time, so that their greatness can be preserved for all posterity, right alongside the adventures that they
were meant to tweet about... instead of fake covid models, songs about politicians or Hashmas, fake Trump quotes, Kernow facts and Express headlines, various vile UwU
abominations, or even fake NT tweets, put through a blender and vomited out 100 times a day. Welcome to !botland!
Tragically, nearly all of our marvelous creations were purged in the Great Twitter Purge of 2023, leaving only Stephen, TB and Lucius. When Replit restricted access later in
2023, we even more tragically lost Stephen and TB - we hope their brave souls will return to haunt Discord and Twitter soon...
| Bot Name | Number | Home | CV |
|---|---|---|---|
| NTTimeBot | 1 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | NTTimeBot was our very first twitter bot, created between Koppa 1 and Koppa 2 by James, to count down the number of days until Koppa 2. It took James
ages to crack the Twitter API (which is, and remains, very poorly documented), but he eventually got a functioning bot and was able to tweet using NTTimeBot.
After this he set about copying Matthew's countdown.js from this website, in order to count down to Koppa 2. After Koppa 2, NTTimeBot was mostly dormant through Chock and the summer, until Matthew updated it for Koppa 3. Since then, it has become Matthew's best friend, and he seems to update it on a near-weekly basis, giving it new things to countdown to, whether that is the next adventure, the presidential election, or the end of lockdown. NTTimeBot was coded to tweet every half hour in the lead-up to Digamma 1, and then refused to die, despite being killed in at least 3 different ways, which is ever so slightly worrying. It is still running as of July 2021 (now on Replit), and is the valuable cornerstone of the NT Twitter Armada. NTTimeBot was the home of the ChockClock for many months - RIP |
| NTStationBot | 2 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | NTStationBot was born alongside NTTimeBot in December 2019, and for months would tweet out how many stations we had been to, scraping the data from the
station table on this website. As it tweeted the same information every day, it was eventually turned off somewhere in the early phases of Chock. In Autumn 2020, Matthew replaced NTStationBot with NTElectricBoogaloo, which assumed its original function. He then instead fed NTStationBot our full list of stations, and since then, it has tweeted out a random station from a previous adventure. In December, he upgraded it further, and now it also tweets out a photo from a previous adventure every weekend. Thanks to StationBot, we landed ourselves a newspaper article! |
| DrFoster | 3 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | Ah, DrFoster went to Gloucestershire, all on a summers day. DrFoster appeared on the twitter account out of nowhere in early summer, roughly when we started
¬stations, to Matthew's (and Ewan's) great surprise and amusement. Unfortunately, DrFoster left his keys under the doormat of his repo, and as a result our
twitter account was hacked and we had to turn him off in August. Matthew later rewrote DrFoster into DrFosterII, completing the rhyme, adding new politicians and new places, and even new rhymes. DrFosterII for some reason has a burning hatred of Kier Starmer. And at long last, Dr Foster has made it to Replit. He hurt his cock and caught the chock, and will never go to heroku again! |
| Tweeter | 4 | Binary Meadows (D98:Purged) | Not really a twitter bot per se, but when James taught Matthew how to code Twitter bots in September, this was his first attempt at doing so, and he has since added a plethora of additional side bots to make this an absolute behemoth. Tweeter has mastered the entire v1.1 Twitter API, including replying, liking, deleting, retweeting and tweeting photos and videos, and Matthew now uses Tweeter to tweet whenever he is not logged in (most of the time). |
| NTElectricBoogaloo | 5 | Binary Meadows | Matthew's first real Twitter bot was a redux of NTStationBot, except it could tweet about NR stations, tube stations, DLR stations, IKEAs, etc. NTElectricBoogaloo was very basic and was soon retired, and is now broken, as it relies on cheerio scraping the website's station tables, which are being revamped. |
| NTComGit | 6 | Risen from the ashes! (Github) | NTComGit was a real shitshow. Matthew attempted to use cheerio to scrape the latest commit name from github, except NTComGit refused to do this properly.
Eventually we retired this beta version for many months. In March 2021, James added a new workflow to our website repo, thereby directly building a new and improved NTComGit directly into the website, and now NTComGit outputs all the horrendous shite that we write as commit names, directly onto twitter. At long long last, after the Great Twitter Purge, Matthew may have restored ComGit to life whilst working through the Amnesia Zone in September 2024! |
| TrumpBot | 7 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | TrumpBot was built by James in the run-up to the election to output fake Trump quotes, and was our first Twitter bot to use functions. Matthew quickly joined in the game, and we both built increasingly bad functions to output increasingly terrible fake quotes. Nowadays it can tweet about different countries, different people, the wall, stolen jobs, and the best things. It is a good bot - the best bot! Some people, a lot of people, say it is the best bot! It beats those other bots all the time! It's gonna build a big, beautiful wall of tweets (now from Replit)! It's gonna be YUGE! |
| UwU1 | 8 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | Ah, the classic and our perennial favourite. UwU1 has been sent to attack numerous other accounts, including our own and those of our friends. Built by
Matthew one night to attack an account that had dared reply to NT 4 times, it replied "UwU" to 200 of their tweets in rapid succession. Great Success! But that was only the start of UwU1's glorious career. We then started to write horrible UwUfied responses to burn people's eyes, and we unleashed the bot upon our own account, as we wrote more and more increasingly bad tweets. We turned our beefed-up bot on another anti-lockdown account that had dared reply to us, a few months later, and the bot has only become worse since. Woe betide the fool that interferes with NT now! |
| !bot | 9 | Binary Meadows | !bot is Matthew's baby, his early attempt at making a chatbot. It could answer basic questions with pre-programmed answers, it could give the weather, the next rocket launch, answer some maths questions, and replicate the functions of most of our existing bots. !bot had an enormous security vulnerability (evil), so Matthew attempted to build in plenty of safeguards that mostly resulted in the bot crashing. After we ran out of free dyno hours for December, !bot was run from the NT server and from Matthew's computer, before quietly being retired as new bots came online. !bot was the last of its generation, as James started to look into more AI-like bots, and also started to look for a heroku alternative. |
| UwU2 | 10 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | What do you get when you run UwU1 through a blender? UwU2! James discovered js-markov and immediately put it to good use, using it to chop up the existing horrible responses which we'd written for UwU1, to output new and creative horrible responses in return. We'd use js-markov extensively after this. Nowadays, UwU2 lives alongside UwU1, both menacing unsuspecting twitterers. |
| SongBot | 11 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | SongBot is an absolute SongBot was meant to self-destruct after Boxing Day, but then resurrected itself in January 2021 and took quite an effort to kill off. Matthew's friends are wetwipe liberal snowflakes and complained abut the words 'Lesbian', [Insert british word for ciggarette here] and excessive use of sex words. As the hashers would say, chuck it down you and grow a pair. That pint with put some hairs on your chest. Song Bot returned at Christmas 2021 to perform some our favourite Christmas songs, it sung about the very happy Lesbians and the cheap lousy welsh mealballs. You may say that song bot is now politically correct, what gollywob, Song Bot still sung about the NHS being fucked up the arse by Boris and caressed by Rishi to squeeze money out. Song Bot sung of the treterous times that were had when some hashers had to run instead of drink and the usual YPD choir. After some reflection this year Song Bot decided that singing peaceful songs were for wetwipes and so will return to welcome in '22 more profanic than ever |
| NF | 12 | Binary Meadows (D98: Purged) | NF is our masterpiece. Matthew decided it would be a good idea to build an entirely fake account to tweet out markov versions of our own tweets - a kind of
extra-nutty meta-NT. NuttyFake was born. First, Matthew had to learn to scrape our account for all existing tweets, filtering out tweets with URLs and @s,
before dumping them in a massive food file for the bot. This was then fed through js-markov to tweet at high frequency, and was a source of endless amusement
to us. Matthew built a parallel bot to tweet out fake tweets from James's account as well. The heart of the bot, however, was append3.js, a bot that continually
scraped the account for new tweets, chopping out the unsuitable bits and filtering out the unsuitable tweets, before adding them to the food file. As heroku is
useless, it refused to run append3.js, so we were forced to run append3.js from Matthew's computer for months. Eventually though, after many months, we improved append3.js, and append5.js was born, finally allowing us to scrape tweets with images (the best tweets). Then we rolled everything into index.js and uploaded it to repl.it, so that it can run 24/7, and not just when Matthew remembers. Unfortunately, NF has caught Replit-disease, and cannot retain a constant memory of all incoming tweets. We need to fix this at some point. Guess what - in true NT fashion, we did not fix the problem, we instead reverted back to the tried and tested method - Matthew's computer |
| KernowBot | 13 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | KernowBot is a cheap and cheerful bot that outputs markovised Kernow facts (as well as some "real" Kernow facts). It was thanks to this bot that we discovered that heroku is useless and refuses to write, so many months later we moved it to replit. |
| ExpressBot | 14 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | ExpressBot is another small and lightweight bot that instead outputs fake Daily Express headlines, and competes with TrumpBot for the title of "most racist bot". |
| Stephen | 15 | James' Laptop: Returning soon | Stephen is James's first Discord bot. He can reply 'pong' to 'ping', 'fuck off' to 'pong', and ask why you decided to take various maths modules,
but likes to spend most of his time sitting in his |
| NFTrends | 16 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | NFTrends is James's first repl.it Twitter bot, and quite simply uses Twitter's trend search API to find trending topics, before outputting some horrible UwU vomit after that. It tweets when it feels like it on NF. Japanese, Korean and Indian Twitterers love him. |
| UwU1984 | 17 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | UwU1984 is another repl.it Twitter Bot, and takes the entire 1984 novel, splits it by sentence, and runs it through our new favourite js package: UwUfier.
Then, once it has UwUfied one of the greatest books of all time, it tweets how much it wuvs Big *sees bulge* Bwother OwO. NF1984 had a strange glitch, where it tweeted the same page over and over again for no apparent reason, which we now understand to be a more fundamental problem, called Replit-disease, but he is now finally UwUing his way through the book. |
| TweetyBoi | 18 | James' Laptop: Returning soon | Ironically, TweetyBoi was meant to be our first Twitter bot. James wanted to tweet out every station that we were visiting automatically, as this would be
very hard to do on the tube, when we were underground, so he proposed that he could get a Twitter Bot to do this. Whilst TweetyBoi cannot yet do tube trains,
during Digamma 1, it finally kind of mastered NR trains and tweeted out all the stations on our respective journeys to and from Taunton and Brizzle... with only
a few dozen mistakes. TweetyBoi is commanded via Discord, but can very easily get confused, tweeting out the stations too fast, tweeting out the same station
multiple times, tweeting the stations backwards, or just plain wrong, and sometimes it refuses to tweet full stop. It is for this reason that TweetyBoi spends
most of his time singing Borat's Jew song in The Bin, where bad bots go to die. Update - 22/05/21, Tweety Boi can now tell you exactly what his purpose is Update (Xi 2): TweetyBoi is now on v2.0 and might actually complete his original purpose properly for the first time ever! Don't worry, when it comes to everything else, he is still a spastic. |
| Lucius | 19 | Desktop98 | Not really an NT Bot, per se, but I might as well add it here. This is Matthew's first Discord bot - he shares some basic functionaility with Stephen, but his job is to notify Matthew's server of hurricane updates... when he can tell images apart from one another. Now he also sends out Chock updates to frighten James, and lived with Stephen and TweetyBoi on replit for a while, before Matthew bolted so much crap onto him that he slowed down Replit so much, that Matthew transferred him back to his computer. |
| NF Profile Bot | 20 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | A static profile picture is boring. This bot proves to change that, is it 8am? NEW PROFILE PICTURE TIME. 7pm? NEW PROFILE PICTURE TIME! 7.01pm NEW PROFIL.. NO BOT STOP STOP STOP STOP. DIE!! DIE!! *cut to bot in the corner of the room screaming* NEW PROFILE PICTURE TIME |
| G7 Bot | 21 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | Bojo and friends came down to Kernow, all on a summer's day. Joe had a Kebab, Macron got slapped and James reported all the way! #G7UK #G7Cornwall #BojoWeLoveYou #OiJoeComeUppaValleys |
| NTLI 1 | 22 | Binary Meadows | The Prole scroll is back with us again and after looking at what tweets we have shat our were accepted by the world of tweeters, we decided to cash in on the prole scroll that is Love Island. We were to also cash in on our other best seller, politics. The bot didn't receive that many interactions, however it was 10x our usual impressions. This was shortly put to rest the next ame day when the second incarnation came about. RIP NTLI-I 02/07/2021 - 02/07/2021 |
| NTLI 2 | 23 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | After sending out the tweet of a lifetime about our friend bob, we decided to really cash in on the prole scroll and realised the proles can't read and hence need visial aid to help them actually engage with a tweet. Cue rapid Ctrl C // Ctrl V from a couple of google searches and some dodgy js code. This worked a charm within a few seconds of the tweet landing 5 people had liked it and they weren't bots. GREAT SUCCESS. |
| NT IT'S COMIN 'OME! | 24 | Binary Meadows | @random_unsuspecting_account IT'S COMIN 'OME!! Magnificently, NTEuros was able to tweet with such machine gun-like ferocity, that it exceeded our daily tweet limit on both NT and NF in mere seconds, blasting past our all-time tweet-rate record and putting even Song Bot to shame. It was Twitter sin bin time! |
| NF IT'S COMIN 'OME! | 25 | Binary Meadows | IT'S COMIN 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOME! FOOTBALL'S COMIN 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME! |
| Nutty Euros | 26 | Banned | What do you do if your NTEuros bot has fried both your Twitter accounts, leaving you unable to feed the proles in time for kickoff? That's right! Make a
3rd Twitter account, apply for keys (and ask for them in time for 8pm, U wot m8?) and blast out Markoved shitty Euros output, along with only the choiciest of
cursed prolefeed for those sweet sweet engagements. Vey nice! But that's not all! Now that Euro2020 is over, we are turning NE's fire upon any unsuspecting sporting event we can find: first the Tour de France, then F1 (at the same time), and now the Olympics! We then applied NE to Strictly Come Dancing and Merkel. We love Mutti. Finally, NE was banned from Twitter, before the Great Twitter Purge. This marvelous creation was taken before its time... |
| NTLI 3 | 27 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | This bot is the unholy offspring of NTLI 2 and Nutty Euros, eating up all the prolefeed then spewing it back out, every 5 minutes, every night. And guess what? They absolutely lap it up. White supremacy tweets? Valid, we get likes for that. Racism tweets? Valid, we also get retweets for that. Nazi tweets? well hold on there bucko we aren't James Mason. Confusingly called NTLI 2 on Replit, we finally killed this abomination on 23/08/21 and thus no longer felt the urge to kill ourselves every night (apart from Saturday, which remained gloriously NTLI-free) |
| MerkelBot | 28 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | MerkelBot refused to work on Replit, because Replit gets wonkier by the day, so we instead ran it on Matthew's computer. MerkelBot tweeted out a graph of the latest election results in the German election. If this was a British election, it would have been a fascinating bot, providing up-to-date and ever-changing graphs as the results came in. Unfortunately, this was Germany, so the results were all just estimates, and the government won't be formed until Christmas. Merkel can hang in there until SongBot returns! |
| COPBot | 29 | Binary Meadows (Purged) | When James went up to Glasgow to meet his friends Bowis and Joe again, COPBot attempted to keep our many Twitter followers updated... for about an hour. Then he died. COPBot, that is. James was shot by the Gescotpo for attempting to cross the Scottish border. |
BBB! Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy toilet roll!
- ChockClock,
2020-2021